


Hunting for Bigfoot

by TheWaterIsASham



Series: The long way forward [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Camping, Fluff and Angst, Historical Accuracy, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Motels, sadly there are two beds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:55:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26148289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWaterIsASham/pseuds/TheWaterIsASham
Summary: Luther and Elliott go into the woods to look for Bigfoot, which if it wasn't already a euphemism for something it certainly is now.(straight up sequel to laughing without gas)
Relationships: Elliott Gussman/Luther Hargreeves
Series: The long way forward [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898827
Comments: 21
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This mostly exists because the algorithm buried my first fic and I want it (and this dingy of a ship) to get more attention. I'm also sorry for how sad this first chapter ended up. It will get better (hopefully, I haven't written it yet)

“Everything packed darling?” Elliot asked as he closed up his own bag.

Luther moved to check for the third time. It was good to make sure everything was in order before they moved out. He went through the supplies, the food, the books and maps; everything was in order. He looked through his own personal pack and found not just everything he had packed, but also a bottle of lubricant and an assortment of condoms that he most certainly had not. His mind immediately blamed Klaus, but really any one of his siblings could have done it in an effort to be “supportive” ; he immediately flushed red and shoved them back in his bag. “Everything’s packed. We should hit the road soon so we’ll be at the first motel by nightfall.”

The thing was that Luther and Elliott hadn’t had sex. They had been “romantically involved” for months now (Luther wasn’t sure exactly how to define it, because while they had only kissed in November they had lived their lives around each other for far longer and that should count for more than the touching) but they hadn’t ever had sex. They kissed a lot, they would cuddle and they literally slept together every night. There had been a few incidents that maybe could be considered sex, but they basically just consisted of jerking off together, or Elliott helping him out. President Clinton wouldn’t have considered it sex, and Luther really didn’t either.

There were two main issues stopping them. The first was a lack of knowledge. Luther hadn’t really thought he was attracted to men back in 2019 where one could learn about things, and there wasn’t exactly a plethora of literature on the subject available in the 1960s, at least not without already knowing enough about gay culture that you wouldn’t need instructions. Luther figured that perhaps he could ask Klaus but if the choice was between asking his brother for instructions on gay sex or ... pretty much anything else, Luther would take the latter option. 

Then there was the real issue. Luther knew logically that Elliott wasn’t put off by his looks but that didn’t fix it. Luther still remembered when he was put out as a teen heartthrob, when he would look in the mirror with smug confidence. Now he looked in the mirror and saw a torso that wasn’t even human, that he had to wax over and over to have it just look weird rather than freakish. His siblings, who he knew had suffered more than he had but still, could hide what they were, what had happened to them. He had to wear it everywhere. It was the one thing is his life that had gotten worse once he started living with Elliott, mostly because before there was always something else horrible to focus on, but life was good enough that it ended up on his mind a little often. So whenever he got close to pushing things to the next level, he would lose his confidence and back off. 

Elliott had never explicitly said he wanted to do it anyway (Luther would understand if he didn’t). So Luther would find out which sibling had given him the condoms (Allison had probably been the most vocally “supportive of him”, probably because it made things way less awkward between them so she was a likely candidate) and return them to them unused in order to get the last laugh. They had far bigger fish to fry anyway.

* * *

It was about an hour into the trip, with the latest from the Beatles playing quietly on the radio and the Texas wilderness spreading out as far as the eye could see.

“Hey Elliott I have a kind of important question that I probably should have asked last year but... what are we going to do if we find Bigfoot?”

Elliott was silent for a moment “Huh” he eventually said.

“Is this a hunt-hunt where we kill it? Befriend it? Because those really require different approaches we should have planned for.”

Elliott thought for a moment “I mean we’ll definitely take a picture to prove it’s real. That’s the big one, otherwise it just sort of depends on what Bigfoot is like. Maybe it’s just a scared animal. Of course it could also be a communist agent, at which point we would have to kill it.” 

Luther smiled. “That makes sense, you really are smart Elliott. You know if I were Bigfoot I would want to be found, though I feel like it would stink to learn about all the cool things out there and not be able to get them, due to you know, being Bigfoot.”

“Well they might have their own cool things. There could be a whole Bigfoot society for all we know.”

“Where would they put it?”

“Underground. Or hidden in the mountains. If we knew where it was it wouldn’t be a good secret would it.”

That was a good point. 

* * *

They pulled into the motel parking lot soon after nightfall. They had found it on a map and figured that it was probably better to split the trip into pieces rather than driving all night. It wasn’t the classiest place, roadside motels very rarely were, but it wasn’t too bad. The sign even said there was TV and air conditioning. 

“We’d like a room please” Luther said to the woman manning the counter.

“Just one for the both of ya?” she drawled. Her eyes flicked between them.

“I mean they’re doubles aren’t they? Why pay for four beds when we only have two people ” Elliott nervously cut in.

“Rooms 104 and 105 are. Y’all should be thankful they’re still open. A lot of families come up this road.” She said back, giving them a suspicious look. 

“We’ll take 105 then.” Elliot said “One night and no need for a wake up call.” He handed her some cash and she handed them the key.

“Have a blessed night.” She said to them in that uniquely southern way.

Luther was about to wish her the same, but Elliott ushered him out of the room. He was confused, but then he remembered that homophobia was a thing. He was still getting used to that. He knew that in 2019 it still was, but for all the horrible things that Reginald was he wasn’t a bigot. Elliott had also pointed out that Luther wasn’t exactly the type of guy people started fights with, as he was traditionally masculine and 7 feet tall. A man had tried to punch him in a dispute over television availability once and he broke his hand (which was more the fault of bad punching technique than anything Luther did). 

Luther wondered if Elliott also lived in blissful ignorance while they walked out of the lobby, got their bags from the car, and opened up room 105. He figured that he probably didn’t as Elliott checked the room for CIA/KGB/Alien bugs.

“I think we can speak somewhat candidly, though of course we can’t be sure.” Elliott said as he finished his last sweep. “How the hell did she know?” 

“It’s my fault.” Luther said. He was used to taking responsibility when things went wrong. 

“Someone must have tipped her off. Or she’s working for someone. Well the joke is on her, She’s getting nothing from us tonight.” He moved over and stashed his knife under the pillow of the bed Luther wasn’t sitting on.

“So we are going to use both beds?” Luther tried to keep his tone matter-of-fact, rather than disappointed.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Elliott said a little too loudly. His eyes moved around the room and settled on the door. 

Luther just sighed and turned on the TV. It was way smaller and the picture was nowhere near as clear as the one they had at home, but there was no way to watch shows other than catching them when they aired and he didn’t want to miss The Man from U.N.C.L.E even if he was in a funk. The Friday night prime time lineup was a good distraction from everything and as long as it was on he could focus on just on it. He talked to Elliott, as they always did during the commercials, and he grabbed that normality eagerly. 

Of course prime time only lasted a couple of hours and soon enough it was time for late night. This was when Luther usually went to bed, but he was half tempted to stay up just to avoid being left to sit with his thoughts, but he didn’t want to start the next day tired and cranky so he got up and turned off the TV.

“I’m going to bed... You can keep the light on if you want...” He said, desperately wanting to give Elliott his goodnight kiss or tell him to not be too long before he snuggled into their bed.

“I won’t stay up too late.” Elliott gave his usual lie. He then reached up and placed his hand on Luther’s arm. “We’ll be in the deep voods tomorrow. Nothing to bother us.” He smiled and Luther fell in love again. He smiled helplessly back at Elliott and got prepared for bed. 

When he came back from the bathroom the main light was off, and Elliott was reading some of their research material by the light of a lamp. Luther lifted up the cheap covers, felt the cheap bed strings strain under his weight, laid down alone and tried nevertheless to fall asleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let Luther talk about the moon 1.9k67

Luther had woken up at 6am on the dot (5 when it wasn’t daylight savings time) for around 30 years now, and this was not going to be the day he stopped doing it. Honestly it was the most consistent thing in his life and that brought him some comfort. Wherever or whenever he was he would wake up at 6. So he tortured the bed springs by getting up, pulled open the curtains and started his morning routine. Elliott was still snoring in his own bed, and Luther decided to risk the CIA’s ire by lightly kissing the top of his head. 

He worked out for a bit, then showered, brushed his teeth and shaved. As he put his toothbrush back in his bag he again noticed the condoms. Or was this a different set than the first, which would indicate that two of his siblings (Five was at their house a lot, so even though he lacked the motive and means he had plenty of opportunity. Besides Luther barely ever knew what 5 was thinking.) had made the separate decision to “help” him out. He decided to just shove them back into his bag rather than investigating.   
Normally he would go to the lobby for a paper and advice on where to get a good breakfast, but considering the interaction last night he decided against it and just turned the radio on quietly and waited until Elliott woke up.   
\-----------------  
They arrived in the woods around 10 am, after a tense check out at the motel and a breakfast at a nearby diner. Colorado wasn’t the most common place for Bigfoot sightings, but it was close enough to drive to over a holiday weekend and the campsite promised a good time even if they didn’t see any trace of Bigfoot.

Once when they were kids, Reginald had decided to train them on survival skills by abandoning them alone in the woods for two weeks. It was one of Luther’s favorite memories. Sure Allison spent the whole time freaking out about her hair and Diego got really sick from some berries, and they had to sleep on the ground the whole time, but they had worked together and managed to do pretty well. He remembered them sitting around the fire they had made and talking to each other (at the time they probably felt like fights, but the filter of time made them conversations). It had only happened once, either because they had actually succeeded or because of some other likely terrible reason, but it remained one of Luther’s favorite memories. 

He had told Elliott about that trip when they went camping last year, which was also one of his top memories. He would say that maybe he just liked camping, but he knew that what he really liked was being somewhere away from judging eyes with the people he loved. He had probably already been in love with Elliott way back then, even if he hadn’t realized it. Elliott had apparently already realized he had feelings for him at that point, which made him feel a little better because if Elliott liked him before it meant that neither had pressured the other into it. It meant that it was real. However it also showed that Elliott for some reason wasn’t going to push things in their relationship farther on his own, which meant that any escalation would have to come from his end. And any escalation from him would have to wait until they put up their cameras.

Luther didn’t know how Elliott was able to get so much camera equipment for reasonable rates, but it took them quite a while to set them all up. This was also because they made sure to test all the cameras by taking pictures together. Luther even struck the iconic Bigfoot pose a couple of times, though the footage it was from hadn’t come out yet. The Hargreeves were so much funnier in 2019. But they rigged up the cameras, checked the ground carefully and even set a couple of simple traps (they didn’t want to kill Bigfoot until it was proven to be anti-american). Then they figured that they might as well check out the hiking trails and catch some fish for dinner. Then they got temporarily lost on the way back to camp, so by the time they settled down it was near nightfall.   
“So do you want to check the cameras or make dinner first?” Elliott asked.  
When Luther had first moved in, he had trouble with questions like that. Reginald had never given him a choice that didn’t have a clear right answer he was supposed to figure out. “Dinner first, if we find anything we don’t want to have to chase Bigfoot on an empty stomach.  
“Alright, how about you start a fire and I’ll prep some famous Gussman fillets.”   
They got dinner ready and ate it as the sun went down. Then they pulled the stuff out for s'mores.  
“You know I’m glad this is turning into an annual thing.” Elliott said as he lit his marshmallow on fire. “Loretta never wanted to go anywhere more than once, and you could not believe how she bitched when we went camping.”  
“How could you not like camping?” Luther questioned as he waited for his marshmallow to turn a perfect shade of golden brown.  
“I don’t know. She said it was boring and there were bugs everywhere. Of course she also didn’t like me.” Elliott finished his s'more and immediately torched another marshmallow.  
“That’s even more unbelievable.” Luther smiled as he finally finished his first.  
“Trust me it’s been proven in a court of law.” Elliot joked back. Luther pulled his chair over so they were sitting even closer together.  
“Well I love you.” He said.  
“And I love you too Moon Man.” Elliot ate his marshmallow and looked up at the sky. “What did the stars look like from up there?”  
Luther knew he had explained this to Elliott before, but he still liked to talk about what had been perhaps the most important four years of his life. “They’re the same stars, but they look a little different. They’re in different places, or well I guess they’re in the same place but I’m somewhere different so... I would look at them a lot. Try to find the constellations from earth so that I could feel I was looking up at the same stars they were. And then I would make my own constellations out of what I saw, so that things felt a little more homey.”  
“What were they?” Elliott asked, resting his head on Luther’s shoulder.   
“I have to admit there were like 6 Allisons. I really missed her. But I put all my siblings up there. Diego's looked kind of like a knife point, Klaus had one of those cartoon ghosts, Five was a cluster all together that reminded me of how he clenched his hands when he used his powers, Ben was a big one that branched out, and Vanya was like a violin bow. I also had an umbrella and a monocle, not that he deserved it.”  
“Where would I be, if you had known me then.”   
Luther looked up at the sky. “Well obviously we’re on earth now. The stars are mostly taken here.” He looked around for a bit more. “Up there.” he pointed, “They kind of curve like the dentist chair back home.”   
Elliott looked up where Luther was pointing and squinted at his stars. Luther loved him. “Did you name anything after yourself?”  
“No... I never thought to do that.” Luther couldn’t think of what shape he would even be.   
Elliott kept looking at the sky. “I wonder if anything lives around the Elliott stars.”  
Luther looked too. “You know, there is nothing between you and the stars up there. So sometimes I would draw something on a rock, and then I would throw it as hard as I could at the stars, in hopes that maybe it would manage to get to that star, and maybe someone would find it and know we were here.” He paused for a second. “Though really its kind of dumb...”  
Elliott put a finger over his lips. “First contact is first contact. I think the real takeaway here is that you can throw things hard enough to hit escape velocity.”  
Luther laughed. “I once took out the goodyear blimp with a baseball.” Elliott also burst out laughing. The moment was perfect. Well it was almost perfect. Luther leaned over and kissed his boyfriend, and then it was perfect again.

**Author's Note:**

> Who put the condoms in Luther's bag? Vote now in the comments


End file.
